I haven’t always been a Foodie. In fact, I didn’t eat anything but pasta and butter until I was thirteen. They say you officially become a woman at your bat mitzvah. Well this girl became a woman after her bat mitzvah. Yes, I finally developed….my taste buds. Come on now, don’t be that guy…I know what you were thinking. I don’t remember exactly what changed, but something did. I started to enjoy food, real food, and not just the kids’ menu. It wasn’t really until college that my love of going out to eat kicked in. You have to give credit where credit is due…and so the credit for loving to try every restaurant with a rousing menu came from someone I dated.
It was summer romance, you know, the kind that takes you back to your days at camp. Well, not exactly, but still, you get the point. We used to go to restaurants with menus that made my mouth water. Before the summer was over, I was reading menus before we went to dinner. Now that is some serious foreplay for a Foodie…metaphorical foreplay people. Since that summer, I have been a full-time Foodie.
Now, let’s jump forward a couple years shall we. It was summer again, and I was stuck at a job I loathed, dreaming of all things food, aloud obviously. One of my colleagues, who is now one of my best friends, turns to me and says, “You should audition for the Food Network.” Now, I won’t tell you a story about how a light bulb went off in my head, cause it didn’t exactly work that way. At this point, I was barely cooking. I just enjoyed going out to eat and telling everyone what I thought. Hey, with just the right angle, that could make for an interesting show. But, I knew I would have to win the casting director over with my golden locks and bright smile first. No problem, right? I am great at a first date if I do say so myself.
I completed the 10-page application, answering questions about ingredients and cooking tips. And then, like getting a question on a final exam that you know you forgot to study for, came the dreaded question, “Do you have any formal or professional training.” Now, not everyone on the Food Network has professional training. Even Rachel Ray is just a cook and not a chef. But I knew it put me at a disadvantage. Regardless, I walked into that audition confident. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. I waited four hours to see the casting director, and when I finally did, it was like magic. I imagine K-Ci and JoJo “All My Life” was playing in the background and a fan was blowing my hair back as I walked into the room in slow motion. It totally could have happened. We spent five glorious minutes together, and they were really spectacular. We just connected. I left that audition feeling more confident than ever. It was like a great first date. And then, I waited by the phone, expecting a call. I waited and waited…I’m actually still waiting. So, I haven’t made it to the Food Network yet, but maybe someday. Bob Tuschman, call me!